Stamps for groceries by Zen Master Hyon Ja
Meditation is described in multitude of ways. All different kinds of formulas and methods exist for reaching “perfection” or “waking up” to our “inner freedom”. Some of these methods are called Zen-Korean Zen, Japanese Zen, Chinese Zen. Some are called Vipassana and Mindfulness. Many people use drugs and substances to attain a different or more profound insight to the great questions of life. Other people engage in Shamanism or in occult practices. Nature plays the greatest role in allowing mystery to arise in our minds along with the arising of the great questions in our lives, for example just taking a walk in the mountains at sundown or sunrise or a stroll along the ocean or lakes. I live at the moment in Austria and just looking at the great Alps brings the sense of something greater than what I can imagine or know about or find words for… a sense of the mystical.
What does it mean to reach for perfection: perfection of what or who? What does it mean to wake up? What does it mean to be free? These are some of the great questions of life. So, what is Zen about? Zen is the study of our minds. When we sit in silence, we look at the theater that appears in our minds. When we sit correctly, we perceive without judging what is appearing, or without wanting to stop the stream of thoughts. Eventually we arrive at a dead-end, a place where our questions do not go further. This is the space of a great not-knowingness. Zen meditation is thinking, thinking and more thinking until we suddenly experience our minds when the stream of thoughts stops, the mind is completely stuck words completely elude us. It is at this point where we awaken to the very moment. At this moment we perceive what is happening around us, the sensations of what we are looking at, hearing, smelling, tasting or sensing.
We deeply long to experience the mystical or the divine… elevated spaces, which might show us the experience of Perfection. When I was very young, my mother would pack me in the car and regularly drive us across the border to Mexico to visit psychics to ask about her problems or about the future. I often experienced great mystery watching the psychic read the tarot cards for an hour or two. For those few marvelous hours my mind would be fascinated in listening and sensing these old ladies. What was she doing? How did she know all that? During that time this intense sensing or perceiving those women began to act like a compass within me. My mind began to focus, to become acutely aware. This focused awareness led to clear mind, which in turn illuminated the truth of the moment. The tree has green leaves, and the sky is blue–the TRUTH moment.
Along the path and through the years, I had a great time having my palm read, my future charted through astrological readings, my Chinese horoscope defined and I indeed indulged with great curiosity in various psychedelics and other substances. Some of the best experiences I had were in the Arizonan desert when I was barely 17 years old after having read all of Carlos Castañedas books. The Buddha teaches us that life is suffering. But life is also a great delight!
As the years passed by, the trajectory of this focused awareness led straight to Zen meditation. Diving into short and long retreats and diligent practice, I came to understand that I had been living life as a rehearsal and expecting that “soon” the “real thing” would finally happen. I had expectations that some kind of formula or some ingredient would finally allow me to attain a realization that would put everything in order and bring about perfection and safety from suffering
Later I grasped that perfection was a conceptual idea. As my path through meditation progressed, it became clear that concepts are mental ideas which are not grounded in the truth of any moment. How much of our lives do we live as mental ideas?
We try and try so hard—but eventually we gradually awaken to a profound understanding that none of these methods—no matter how exhilarating they might be— will bring us to realization of the truth. It is only when we distance ourselves from attachment to conceptual thinking and from desiring things that the veil that hangs over our senses parts open and we experience a clarity that cannot be described in words. When this clarity illuminates the world around us, we begin to perceive the truth. Perceiving the truth means just that: in this very moment we see that the sky is blue and flowers bloom, we smell the fragrance of baked bread, we hear the birds sing, we feel the cool breeze. Clear mind allows us to perceive that everything around us is constantly moving, changing. But there is one pure and clear thing which never changes, never moves. Clear mind directly experiences the motionless and changelessness around us.
The ancestors taught us about impermanence, but we go home and forget the teaching of impermanence and go about our daily lives as if tomorrow will be exactly like today. However, how much do we actually remember of today’s lived experience? We forget to question this illusion of continuity. Then we come to the practice and hear the Dharma talk telling us that nothing increases or decreases, that there is nothing to grab on to, and nothing to abandon. We hear that there is no YOU and definitely no “I”.
At some point we do let go of wanting to know and only then can we finally experience the truth. A mystery will appear if we only do it right–perfectly. When I was about 9 years old my mother would bring home stamp books to stick grocery stamps into them and then we would get a discount on a can of beans or tomatoes if the booklet had enough stamps. At the front page of the stamp book was a really colorful cartoon character. She would convince me to stick the stamps into the books by telling me that the cartoon character would jump out of the stamp book if only I would put each stamp in carefully and watch. I believed her whole heartedly. I spent hours and hours sticking stamps in the booklet, waiting with dedicated focus but the cartoon character never jumped out. By the time I was 10, I attained the truth. That cartoon character absolutely did not exist and would never jump out. At that point I immediately dropped the whole project. This is a complete putting down. Putting our illusions down is so very helpful.
I remember a moment when I put down all my concepts and wishes and allowed ignorance to reign supreme. It happened when I said yes to parachuting. I was talked into taking two hours of instruction. In those two hours I would attain a perfect jump. I jumped and definitely for a few precious moments, I experienced absolute clear mind, the ground was coming up very fast, the fields were vast and green, I was flying. At some point the mind engaged and a slight doubt arose, that maybe I should worry. All finally went well, but as I hit the hard ground, I had an awakening experience in high definition.
No Zen teacher will tell you that you will “get” something when you practice meditation. Zen teachers will tell you to drop the wanting and the hoping and the endless desire for perfection and safety. So, we start, from day one to wake up to the desire mind, the anger mind and the ignorance mind. If you want to have good examples of these minds, read the news on your phone or on TV.
Along our way in our practice we suddenly overwhelmed by the sheer amazing amount of wishes we have, and the amazing extent of our attachment and clinging to our ideas and desires and opinions and emotions. How would it be if we could reduce some of this clinging-ness, grabbing at, not letting go, endless wanting something else?
The ancestors tell us that when the conceptual mind rests allowing the Not Knowing Mind to take over the whole theater space, then we realize that the Buddha has always occupied the entire space in our mind. Is this so? We should be careful: Zen meditation is not going to give us any clues or help us to get our desires to come true. But it just might do something else: What is this?
So, if you students o f the Way are mistaken about your own real Mind… you will indulge in various achievements and practices and expect to attain realization by such graduated practices. But, even after acons of diligent searching, you will not be able to attain to the Way. These methods cannot be compared to the sudden elimination of conceptual thought, the certain knowledge that there is nothing at all which has absolute existence, nothing on which to lay hold, nothing on which to rely, nothing in which to abide, nothing subjective or objective. It is by preventing the rise of conceptual thought that you will realize Bodhi; and, when you do, you will just be realizing the Buddha who has always existed in your own Mind.
